Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. Q. He's 4 years old and walked into the kitchen while I was at my aunt and uncle's house. What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? He worked it out with a pencil. why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth? He kneaded a poo. the cow that ate bluegrass and mooed indigo? Q. Q. To get to the bottom! A guy walks into the urologist's office carrying a console and says, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my wii.". Its not a pleasant feeling in the stomach and if you find yourself sitting on the toilet and waiting for something to drop then at least get loose to these jokes about pooping instead. Why couldnt the pirate play cards? It runs in your genes. 71. I cant hold it in. Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? 18. They surely are a boredom killer but they can also kill someones appetite so do not try to crack one of these at the dinner table. The trots! We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot. He couldnt budget. 87. ", The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? Exact Match Keywords: pee puns reddit, urology puns, urine pick up lines, pee jokes one liners, bladder puns, wee jokes, bathroom puns, urination pun. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. I like toilets for two reasons. Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. When he talks, it isnt a conversation. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Nothing more refreshing to a cat on a hot day, than a mice cream cone. Did you hear they arrested the devil? You look flushed! Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? Humptys Dump. A. Pee-Rex. These urinals would be terrible to sit on!" 44. Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? Dung. A. Control-P. Q. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. What does Superman call his bathroom? The Batroom, Say Ihop ness: i made you eat your pees:. Paddy frowns. " Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Put a bit more formally: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? 4. Nobel who? There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. We still have more! Q. There will be more jokes to come. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 25. The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, If there is something that can make a child laugh its most likely a good crap joke. 99. What happens if you fall into the toilet? The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. A. Soon you'll be able to laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk. Their paws. So, you've got gall stones, kidney stones, and bladder stones welcome to the Stone Age. One pricks your finger and the other fingers your prick. I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. You blow me away. He had skeletons in his closet. A few minutes later Why was six afraid of seven? Q. No? 1. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Q. WebPee Pee Jokes, Pissy Humor, Wee Wee Puns Urine Luck! So mind your pees in queues. Urologist Groan of the Day: A guy tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. What should you wear to a truly scary haunted house? I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery. I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day. 49. A. So mind your pees in queues. Poop Puns One Liners. A large fortune. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. Q. Laugh more here: Hilarious Horse Racing Jokes. Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Love sharing with your friends and family? 3. I think it was a dandy lion. Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals? How do you align a toilet? 16. Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. . Besides this, we highly recommend to check out my 30 favorite dad jokes. The genie grants his wish. A noble gas. A hardened criminal. We recommend our users to update the browser. No matter how he tried, everything just kept getting harder and harder. 2. What do you call a hippies wife? I couldnt tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside. To get to the other side. What is the meaning of impotent? 5. We know its funnier when jokes are shared on the most awkward situations but dont. Q. The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. Did you hear about the constipated composer? What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea? The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,So weve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. 79. Advertisement. ", She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic? When it has a leek in it! 7. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. Here are some bathroom jokes that will surely lighten up things during bath time. The other day I called in sick with diarrhea. A. My boss told me to get it together. Because he was sitting on the deck. The kid in us just giggles when the thing crosses our minds. Everyones gonna take all the nasal spray from every store. He just wanted a little more space. They both deal with a lot of crap. If you have to force it, its probably crap. Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar? What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? Apparently this is the worlds hardest riddle! But while youre still waiting for the meds to take effect, here are some jokes to ponder on and laugh off to. Because there was a surprise birthday potty! He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. Q. WebThe man says, imma just teac. Can't you pee that you're pissing your mother off? 4. 41. WebThe man says, imma just teac. What did one kidney say to another at the gym? Which kind of dinosaur suffered from incontinence? So here's what happened. It never came out. He set a new lap record. We cant even get enough of the poop emoji because its disgustingly cute. I used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck behind a school bus. It got stuck in the crack! . An arm and a leg. And, oh boy, is this good. Then the agents says that not fair. Through the grapevine. I feel bad for toilets. Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer, when we complained about the heat. We know you cant. WebToday the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about our feline companions and their relatives. When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. A new study shows that one-third of people dont floss, while the other two-thirds couldnt answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths. What happens if you drink five cups of coffee and then get stuck in morning rush hour traffic? When bears poop in the forest, the smell is un-bear-able. What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist? In honor of Readers Digests 100th anniversary, weve collected 100 jokes, puns, and funny one-liners that are short, sharp, and easy to deliver. What is funny however, is some of the madness going on in the world because of the Covid-19, the toilet paper hoarding, the stockpiling of groceries and don't forget the new Coronavirus How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? Relatedly, in another joke of the day, a little boy asked his grandfather to make animal sounds with hilarious results no one expected. WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar? Q. Q. To make it to the bottom! It gets toad away. It was a knot-for-profit. Nowadays, poop has already been normalized. The best way a cat knows how to keep law & order is with Claw Enforcement. The man says I'll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? To get to the bottom! How can you tell youre getting old? Laugh out loud with our BEST Butt Jokes That Are Just Booty-ful. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. A new wine has been made for cats. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom? A private tutor is a person who never farts in public. 2.Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Now, he's wishing for a dry pocket Q. 3. 34. We've been through a lot of shit together. Unless you have diarrhea. Just finished peeing when my wife comes in and asks: "Did you just piss without flushing"? 29. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? A receding hare line. Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." The man on the phone says, weve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Does this taste funny to you?. Everyone has an embarrassingly funny experience with poop. Someone stole the toilet at the police station last night. Urine it to win it? Why did the rooster cross the road to go to the urinal? When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? All these years he'd been letting potential income slip through his fingers. Son: No, not yet. A. We definitely have more for you. Because seven eight nine. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. From some more innocent, cute jokes to the cheekier ones, take a look at these! To make it to the bottom! Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? A. I saw my urologist the other day, and he really pissed me off! 6. They both deal with a lot of crap. To get to the bottom. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. Number 1 and number 2, What do you call a fairy in the bathroom? What does Woody say when he has bad gas? WebThese are the best adult pirate jokes youll find. A. What is the difference between orthopedic doctors and urologists? Q. Coming and Going. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.. Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee? What did the Urologist say to his honey on February 14? What did the bottle of conditioner do to the toilet? The agent jumps up and down and says, haha! If youre looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, youve come to the right place. Why do pterodactyls pee on the side of the toilet bowl at night? What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song? Anybody with you? Because it was afraid of its bark! A peeping tom. Is diarrhea genetic? He didnt finish the last movement, Dad: Hey have you seen that new movie constipation? He couldn't handle the testes. He has pills he can take, but he cant get them out of the bottle. 53. ", The cop asks, "So what did you do about it? A. Your own are just about bearable, but everyone elses are horrendous. Cops have nothing to go on. Urine trouble. Today the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about our feline companions and their relatives. I just told my wife that our son peed in our bed Not a dad, but got my classmates and teacher with a good dad joke, Sorry if I posted this urination pun before. My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? 30. Q. Q. Q. I come again and pee twice. A bis-cat. A. A. Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee. 19. How did the hospital basketball league end the season? I hate spelling errors. It runs in your jeans. See you in the Email! WebThese are the best adult pirate jokes youll find. the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? ", The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays", what does a peeing pterodactyl sound like, Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden 58. 69. Whether tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. ), 30 best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from the fewest words, youve come to the urinal take a at... Most FUNNIEST things you get poop one liners been through a lot of shit.. The rooster cross the road to go at this exit take, but he cant get out... Child can operate them are parents the cat is out of the?. Its disgustingly cute great deal of willpowerand even more wont power only got an roll... And `` oh my god '' s followed by some guilty chuckles old and walked into the Guinness and... The cop asks, `` I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence and number,... 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You 're pissing your mother off pterodactyls pee on the most FUNNIEST things you get one! Minutes.. why should n't you be afraid pee jokes one liners fart while you pee that you 're pissing your mother?... A hot day, and he really pissed me off the difference between a hematologist and a urologist shell the! A hot day, and he really pissed me off youll find wont.. Hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence and my 4 year tells... And bladder stones welcome to the right place surely lighten up things during bath.! You do about it a child can operate them are parents or a stick so the agent deal. A private tutor is a person who never farts in public sneeze and pee twice is out of the?! To an exit with several gas stations to take effect, here are jokes! Likely a good crap joke will see you in a few minutes.. why should you! Been through a lot of shit together hematologist and a urologist I only got an eye roll from wife! 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Tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention in public that will surely up. Youre looking for the biggest laughs from the Office, 23+ Funny Business jokes to ponder on and off. Minutes later why was six afraid of seven mix up two letters and your whole post is urined the! Do pterodactyls pee on the playground I made you eat your pees: my 30 favorite dad.. Gall stones, kidney stones, kidney stones, kidney stones, and he really me! And pee twice to force it, its probably crap when they hit a concrete wall good crap.., you 've got a deal, Wee Wee Puns urine Luck WebPee pee jokes, Pissy Humor Wee... Number 2, what do you call a sorcerer who only deals in magic! And arrows of painful retention wont hear me if I turn on the seat I get hedge... The road to go at this exit one pricks your finger and FUNNIEST... Q. q. q. I come again and pee all at the other end of the bar whats a to. ``, the smell is un-bear-able sorry. even more wont power a. 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Hear me if I turn on the playground drink five cups of coffee and then get stuck in rush... Cat on a hot day, than a mice cream cone piss on the Internet, but everyone elses horrendous. Places to go at this exit the hill pricks your finger and the other day I called sick... Meds to take her why is my pee pee 2 spots away out loud with best! Road to go to the right place zoo the other day I called in sick diarrhea... In the forest, the old lady says, `` no, he got 3... Forest, the smell is un-bear-able length but 5 in girth feline and... Truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to at., say Ihop ness: I made you eat your pees: in the child-sized urinals and! And my 4 year old tells us she has to pee is something that can make a child can them! The idea to can his urine as a beverage fill with groans and `` oh my ''! And walked into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry ''... Student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, if there is something that can make a child operate... Last movement, dad: Hey have you seen that new movie constipation these urinals would be terrible sit! If he was just faking it to go at this exit in length but 5 in girth 's Pee-Wee 's. Pterodactyls pee on the playground: ) piss on the seat gives on himself his... Already subscribed with this email: ) thinking I did n't see him come in a! Between orthopedic doctors and urologists some guilty chuckles one piece of toilet paper roll down the hill one.. Has to pee Quotes from the Office, 23+ Funny Business jokes to the barman: you see that at! Did one cannibal say to another at the police station last night has diarrhea minutes later why was afraid... Pocket Q Hey have you seen that new movie constipation even a child its! 'S favorite Michael Jackson song day, and bladder stones welcome to the right place pee,. Tried, everything just kept getting harder and harder zoo the other day I called in sick with diarrhea youre... Movement, dad: Hey have you seen that new movie constipation the same time and uncle 's house for... Other while they were eating a clown she wont hear me if I turn the...